Vacuum Man Part Deux

I forgot to tell you! I had another Vacuum Man Experience this week!

You may remember my first nightmarish Vacuum Man incident. Happened a year ago in June as a matter of fact. I remember because I was on vacation for my son's wedding, came back and wanted to get my vacuum cleaner cleaned. Not only did the brute try to sell me an overpriced model that he fixed up, and became churlish and rude when I wasn't interested, he then tried to overcharge me for a cleaning. I walked out of there, threw my vacuum cleaner in the trash and bought one at Walmart for less than what the pig was going to charge me to clean it. Jerk.

I've been on my own a while and feel really independent when I do man-tasks around the house. Like changing a lightbulb, tightening a loose screw, using WD-40 on a squeaky hinge, or building a book shelf. (I tried changing my oil...it's too hard) However, though I know the difference between a phillips-head screwdriver and a regular screwdriver - if I can't find either in the house? I'm feminine enough to use a knife; butter or steak depending on the job, and use a shoe to hammer something. Flexibility and ingenuity ~ thy name is woman.

Several weeks ago, I went on a cleaning jag. I was a demon. Feels good to do spring cleaning, I thank God that spring comes but once a year, because dang, I was tired at the end of it. Before my enthusiasm ran out I had wanted to shampoo my rugs. They were in dire need and I own my own rug cleaner. Worked like a dream when my dog was sick last year.

Anyway, as I began washing the rugs, the telltale odor of bad belt wafted up, nor would the machine suck up water. Crap. No extra belts in the house, so I went on line and ordered belts. Two of them...I like to be prepared. I've replaced vacuum belts before (a manly task I've become rather good at)...how hard could it be?

Hard. Pain in the neck hard. But I did it! Another guy-type task mastered, thought I. HUZZAH! Eagerly, I put hot water in the well, added the nice smelling cleaner, turned the machine on...and...the telltale odor of bad belt wafted up. nor would it suck up water. Crap. I guess there are some jobs that need mannin'.

Now, you can bet money that I wasn't going to shame myself and bring my rug cleaner to that pig of a human in Leesburg. There is a vacuum repair shop in my town. I was prescient enough to call them before going in.

"I have a Bissell Rug cleaner that requires a new pump belt. How much does that cost?"

"$39.95"

"I already have a new belt; what will you charge me if I provide the part?"

"$39.95"

"What will you charge me if I don't bring the belt in?"

"$39.95"

Daaaaaang Baby. Can't bea that! So I brought in my cleaner. I had to maneuver around the vacuum cleaners standing guard, little soldiers barring my way into the shop. My little friend came out from the back room where he was on line, possibly taking a class in rug cleaning repair. Vacuum-ie A Deux began.

"This needs a new pump belt. May I drop it off?"

"How do you like that brand?"

No, no no no no. This was not happening. "I like it fine. It's not that old. It's just that the pump belt broke and I tried to fix it and it broke again." A Deux didn't have to say a thing; his body language simply oooozed, poor female purchasing crap product. We must sell her a superior machine!

"Ah, well, I was just saying, because I have a model here," as he came out from behind the counter, maneuvering around his electric sentinels, "that you can easily clean afterward, it has, bwah bwah bwah bwah bwah..." My ears started to burn. No! No! No! Nononononono. I realized that it was the mode of their kind, the way of their folk.

Maybe it's one of the courses they take at vacuum cleanery school, "Upsell 101; How to Spot a Mark".

"What's it cost?" I'm a jerk enough to want to offer him hope in the form of a stupid woman, just so I could rip it back again quickly. Of course, if it was for $20, I'd buy it. I might look stupid and I might not be able to do math so well, but I'm no dummy.

"Only $379.00 and it's brand new as you can see..."

"No!" I tried not to shriek it, "No, no. I only bought mine a year and a half ago and it works really well. And I don't want to spend $400. Let's just fix the belt on mine," and because I felt a little badly I added, "but I'll keep that in mind in case I need another one someday."

He was clearly disappointed. Stage 2 started. This must be from the "Screw The Bitch" class.

"How much will this cost?"

"$59.95"

My head snapped up, "What? I called you and you said $39.95"

"Oh, well," he was nervous, he had not the antagonistic integrity of my friend from last year, "parts, labor..." he trailed off.

"But I called you and you said $39.95. I told you I had the belt and you told me it would still be $39.95. I asked how much without the belt and you said $39.95."

Sweat beads formed on his upper lip. "You can bring the belt in and I'll only charge you $39.95"

"I would have brought it in had you told me that on the phone. Never mind. I need to get it fixed."

Thus concluded our transaction. I picked the cleaner up today. I haven't tried it out yet. If you don't hear from me again, you'll know it had a bomb in it and my sweatlippy little friend did it. You'll know where to send the cops.

Before you have him arrested though? Pretend you want to buy the $400 rug cleaner. Make him demo it and everything, will you? Take it up to the counter. Make like you are taking out your credit card; then have Johnny Law take him away. For me?