Hateful Again

Hateful again today, with no apparent hormonal or chemical origin, so I’m thinking that it must be some hidden satanic imp poking at a fold in my brain tissue causing me to hate. Let me revise slightly; it’s not really hate, I can’t hate. But I REEEEEEEEALLLLLLLY don’t like anyone or anything today, and ‘hate’ is easier to type than ‘REEEEEEEEALLLLLLLY don’t like’.

Earlier this week I had a pervasive sense of ennui. I had just gotten back from a trip to upstate NY to see my son graduate from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute; a New Ivy, thank you very much. It was a wonderful but busy weekend and I was exhausted.

I told a friend this week that I decided Ennui will be an entity for me ~ and that she's a woman. She starts off all nice, stroking my hair, telling me to take care of myself, urging me to take it easy, to relax. She pours me a glass of wine. Then when I listen to her, she makes me eat a bacon fat sandwich dressed with a stick of butter for dinner washing it all down with a quart of vegetable oil. She's a bitch, is Ennui. My friend encouraged me to go to the gym, which I did and I hated, was glad when it was over, but was glad I did it.

Being a woman, I don’t think Ennui appreciated being ignored. She called to the previously mentioned minions and instructed them to start poking my brain releasing toxins. Foul inevitably set in. So I reached out to a few people who said that they were feeling ugly today as well. I read my horoscope:

"You might feel like your emotions are being marginalized today by someone who is usually very supportive. Others could be standing in your way now, yet it would be counter-productive to unleash your pent-up frustrations at them. Even if you successfully restrain your anger, you may just end up hotter under the collar. Try to keep your energy moving all day by staying busy with your work"

…and noted that my biorhythms were all crashing down together. Not that I really pay those things any mind, but I found it interesting that my petulance corresponded with the downswing in my biorhythms and that even the stars were against me. Doomed I tell you, doomed.

Guest Blogger made me laugh. We reminisced briefly about a strange and interesting vacation spent in Colorado several years ago, including the Flatulence Tale, and a recollection of some surly women draped in what I can only call an urban sprawl across the overburdened and thoroughly inadequate furniture. She recommended I call my good friend Kenny who’s always good for what ails me. She then invited me to her house Sunday night for her son's post natal festivities. The ill-chosen sentence sounded like "Afterbirth Day Party".

During lunch, I continued reading “The Hakawati” by Rabih Alameddine; an enchanting book that continued to help take me out of myself, further thwarting Ennui and her imps. I will go to the gym tonight. I will walk on the treadmill, I will step on the stepper. Stepper always makes me sweat; I need exertion. I might start a new Korean drama. Either Que Sera Sera or Yi San. I haven’t decided. Spoilers tell me Yi San may not end so well. I could just pull out My Name is Kim Sam Soon or Dae Jang Geum; but I think I need some kdrama.

You know, life’s not so bad. With any luck, I’ll be back in fine fettle by Saturday.