Monday, December 21, 2009

The Great Virginia Snowfall of 2009

It’s not unusual to get snow in Northern Virginia in the winter months, though it is unusual to get two feet of it in one big dump. That’s about what we got Friday night through Sunday morning. It was light and dry and beautiful. The prospect of a white Christmas, so missed by my daughter and, made the weekend a cozy pleasure.

Of course, light, dry and beautiful snow only served to spotlight the idiots. Headlines today are full of the idiot plain clothes cop in DC who brandished his gun at some happy-go-lucky idiots having a snowball fight.

A few suggestions for my fellow Virginians:

  • If you can only drive 2 mph in a snowstorm, you shouldn’t be on the road. You are a menace.
  • Women who stand in the middle of the road watching their husbands shovel out the driveway must understand that they aren’t helping their husband and that they are a danger to themselves and others. YOU NEED TO MOVE when a car is coming down the street. If you are deaf and can’t hear the traffic, you need to stay indoors. Cars can hurt you, you imbecile.
  • The Virginia Department of Transportation should focus a little more on cleaning the ice-potholed secondary streets coated with an inch and a half of hard-pack snow and ice. Go to New York or Colorado and take in a seminar on the basics of snow removal if you have to. If I wreck my car because you are stupid, I’m going to sue you.
  • People who require a brisk morning constitutional should NOT walk on said snow-packed unclean secondary streets. See, snow and ice are fickle masters – they might drag my tires straight into you, you retard. Go plow out a trench around your house and walk around that.
  • People who think that it is the height of snowy fun to load your three year old on to a sleigh and slide down your snow covered street into on-coming traffic – sister, you deserve to win a Darwin Award. You should die and take your kid with you so it won’t infect other generations with your half-wit DNA.


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