Friday, July 18, 2008

66 Things You Can Learn from a Korean Drama

This floats around a variety of kdrama forums; it's fun and I thought I'd post it, adding a few of my own "Things" at the bottom starting at #51.

1) Hot, rich, younger men love fat, older vulgar women.

2) If you have a best guy friend, he is in love with you. And secretly you are too.

3) You and your boyfriend will always playfully chase each other on an ice rink, at the beach, or in the leaves. And you’ll laugh for no reason and your boyfriend will hit you "playfully" but the force of his push will have you flying across the room. But it’s okay. Cuz you’re still laughing like a crazy person.

4) Brothers/cousin/uncles/nephews will always love the same girl.

5) You’re allowed to make U-turns wherever you want in Korea. And there is never traffic on the side you want to u turn to.

6) There is a super quick payment device that allows you to pay a bill quickly enough for a guy to run immediately out of a restaurant after his angry girlfriend storms out.

7) Everyone has cancer.

8.) If you’re sick, all you need is an IV to make you feel lots better.

9) There is vomit and urine all over Seoul at nights.

10) Fighting at a pojangmacha with a random stranger is merely part of a normal night’s event.

11) Soju must cost 10 cents. Everyone drinks it everyday all the time, especially the poor people.
12) If you’re rich, you’re a jerk.

13) If you’re poor, you’re an angel.

14) Women sleep and wake up with a full set of makeup on.

15) You’re not studying hard enough unless you get a nosebleed.

16) If you have a nosebleed, you most definitely have cancer. And you have no money to pay for the surgery that will save your life. And your liver is missing. We’re not sure where it went, but it’s making your cancer progress faster.

17) If you work in a sool jeep, you have massively curly hair and wear flashy colors from the early 90’s.

18.) You always order orange juice or coffee at a cafe. And you never drink it. EVER.

19) You will always call your boyfriend by his job title. Or simply sunbaenim. Never his name. Never. He doesn’t have one.

20) If you TRULY love each other, you must die together in the end. Frozen outside instead of finding shelter like sane people. Just frozen….

21) You go to America you come back miraculously successful. You go to England you come back amazingly fashionable. You stay in Korea the only thing that changes is your hairstyle.

22) And if you come back with no apparent reason then it’s because you have cancer.

23) Everyone always goes to the same hospital no matter where they are.

24) If you stand out in the rain for more than five minutes, you’ll end up with a fever and vertigo and people will rush you to the hospital to get some magic IV. And instead of taking an ambulance or driving they’ll race you on their back.

25) Even if you’re poor and can’t eat, you never wear the same clothes twice.

26) If you play a poor kid, you always have dirt on your face and your hair is always messy.

27) If you’re saving someone from being hit from a car, you’ll push them out of the way and wait for the car to hit you instead. Big Smile Couldn’t be more true, they’re like a deer in the headlights.

28.) Everyone has a long lost sister/brother/twin. Usually one they didn’t know about.

29) If you don’t want to answer your phone, you can’t just turn it off. The battery needs to be taken out.

30) All Korean men can drink hard, smoke long, sing well and play piano. Usually all at the same time. And at the same restaurant that has a piano that they let anyone use.

31) If you’re in a relationship, you must at one point leave and have your lover tearfully come RIGHT before you board the plane (vice versa applies as well. You can be the chaser). 60% of the time you see each other, the other 40% you’re roaming around in circles and pass each other about six times, but miraculously never see them.

32) If you’re getting off a plane, you’re ALWAYS wearing sunglasses. ALWAYS.

33) All guys wear hideous tracksuits zipped up to their neck. Even if all they’re doing is jump-roping.

34) Girls will always storm off because they’re mad and the guy will stoically grab them by the arm and swing them back—and by magic, not dislocate their shoulders.

35) Guys always look like they’re 6 feet tall, even if they’re only 5′10. Thank you, camera angles.

36) Guys like to wear foundation, eyeliner and sometimes a smudge of lip liner.

37) You always get stuck in an elevator with someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Even if there are six different elevators, you’ll always be stuck in the same one with that bastard you hate (or just fought with).

38.) Unless you’re fabulously rich, your in-laws will always hate you.

39) So will your sister-in-law.

40) Your brother-in-law might be pining away for you.

41) There are only 2 ways to kiss. You either press your lips against theirs with your mouth completely shut, and just press away for a very long and uncomfortable time. OR you devour the other person and suck out their soul. In both instances, the world spins.

42) A guy will always get the right size ring, even if you’re never held hands.

43) People stare off into space and ponder a lot. They’ll just stop in the middle of the road and watch a leaf on a tree for a good three minutes, and just ponder.

44) You’ll get pregnant the first time you have sex.

45) You’ll get pregnant if he kisses you on the forehead.

46) Hell—you’ll get pregnant if you hold hands.

47) If you overcome great obstacles to be together, one of you must die. Probably due to cancer.

48.) One Korean man can kick the butts of 6 gangstas. Especially when they all stand in a circle and attack the guy one by one. Then when each of them get their butts OWNED, they wise up and attack the guy at the same time. Then the guy will get pulverized and bleed out onto the dusty concrete floor of the empty warehouse they’ve found to fight in. There will be a fire in a trashcan somewhere. And the girl will have watched this the entire time, screaming in horror. Instead of calling 119, she’ll just watch and cry. But it’s okay. Cuz the next day the guy will be fine with a few random bandages and a few face scars. But never a black eye.

49) It ain’t a real fight unless the gangstas fight dirty with a stick or switchblade.

50) If you study in the states (preferably Harvard), you are one of the top students and can speak perfect English (as assumed by the reactions of those around you). Why the rest of the world OUTSIDE of the TV can’t understand a single word uttered out of your melodramatic mouth is beyond me.

Taken from a forum post in http://www.crunchyroll.com/drama

My additions:

51) No one had cancer in the Joseon era. People died of constipation, a sword to the heart, or from lack of salt. Ginseng cured everything. Except for constipation. Nothing cures constipation.

52) A damp white cloth is a time tested medical intervention for a) wiping sweat off a comatose person's forehead waking them up b) bringing down a fever and waking them up c) sopping up face blood waking them up. It's not much help with constipation.

53) Whenever some manly kung fu fighting is occurring, a swift kick to the chest results in dust wafting up from the victims clothes. I have come to the conclusion that Korean people have very dusty torsos.

54) Bad guys will always fall in love with good girls. Good girls fall in love with good guys and then get eye cancer. The bad guys will then dig out their eyes so their cancer riddled girlfriend can see their beloved, albeit blurrily, for 17 seconds before it all goes black again.

55) Everyone meets their beloved when they are 11 years old and they fall in love. Upon giving their beloved a necklace, one of them has to move to America to become a captain of industry. When they return to Korea 17 years later, they are still wearing the necklace.

56) Fingering necklaces given to you by your 11 year old friend immediately conjures up vivid images of the last time you saw them (often as their father was ripping them out of your arms.) Somehow you always finger your necklace when they are in the same restaurant as you ~ however, you don't know it. No, you don't know it, but you sense....something....

57) Doctors cry a lot.

58) At some point in the drama, one main character will get very intoxicated and walk eight miles home. The other main character will walk behind them to make sure they get home ok.


59) Grandmothers always hate poor girls. Conversely, Grandfathers always love them.


60) Americans are all cowboy hat wearin', wife beatin', booze drinkin' ranchers that become enraged at seeing necklaces from 11 year old boys on the throats of 11 year old girls.


61) If you are a nice prince, you always have at least one cousin and an aunt who think you are a fool and want you dead. They will eventually kill your mother.


62) Nice princes always train in secret with a dungeon prisoner who is even more secretly, their father. However, if he isn't your father, minimally he gave your mother a necklace when she was 11. Which she still wears, unless your cousin and aunt killed her. In that case, you carry the necklace on your person.


63) If you are a mean prince, you are usually hot.


64) Mothers of mean princes spend a great deal of time sitting at tables in their bedroom plotting the demise of the royal family. With her brother.


65) A bowel movement is always preceded by a gurgling stomach, a dash to the bathroom on tip toes, doubled over, and clutching the stomach. This presumably holds the poo in until a bathroom is reached.


66) The bathroom reached is generally that of the opposite sex and the person you gave a necklace to when they were 11 is sitting in the stall next to you.

2 Comments:

Anonymous said...

You are so funny. I was in stitches from beginning to end. Nevertheless I still enjoy watching Korean series, Maybe because I let them carry me away into fantasy land. Then when i wake up, i start noticing all the glitches but since I enjoyed the story as a whole I become forgiving. Now reading your descriptions of those common scenes
and characterizations with a humorous and cynical eyes, I have to agree , and laugh like crazy. Thanks for your humor, the brand i love.

E said...

It is the charm of the korean drama. It's innocent, usually chaste, full of cliche, but in the end the characters touch your heart and make you love them. It's why I love the genre so much!

Thanks for the read!! :)

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