Friday, December 21, 2007

Picture Frames

Christmas Song of the Day: A Wonderful Christmas Time

The moon is right
The spirits up
Were here tonight
And thats enough

One of my favorite songs of all time. It takes me back to when I was 17 and my sister Bellie was 15 (more or less). I don’t know know if I or we had made another sister – Ebbie – mad at something (which was pretty likely) or if she was just down, but Ebbie was in the family room sitting and moping about something. She may even have been crying – I was a hateful sister. Anyway, it was Christmas Day and we were helping make dinner and this song came on. Bells and I ran into the family room and started bouncing and singing until we forced Eb to laugh and smile. I can’t hear this song and not think of my dear sisters and I think that’s why I love it so much.

Five years ago, my divorce was a thing of the past, but my feelings of emptiness, loss and loneliness were not. It took me a long time and countless prayers to get over it.

One night, I dreamt I had remarried and my new husband and I were fixing up an old house. There were four bedrooms upstairs that needed to be repainted. It seemed that no matter what I did, I messed it up. I spilled, I painted outside the margins, I was making a mess. Needless to say, I was getting very frustrated. My husband (who’s face I did not see by the way), was so gentle with me. He told me that I needed to take a break and that he hired a fella to do some of the painting so we could go out and get away from the stress a bit and relax. I didn’t want to go, felt like a failure. No, I had to finish, I needed to be more careful, take more time and get the job done myself. No one should be doing it for me.

My gentle partner guided me out the door and told me not to be so hard on myself. That it was ok to take a break and that I shouldn’t worry.

I don’t remember what we did when we went out, and although we had a good time, I remember a feeling of pensiveness. There was so much work left to be done at the house. And I was afraid I would just muck it all up again.

We returned. It was twilight – not yet dark out, but the sun had set. Each room was completely finished and perfectly so. The color of the paint was perfect as well but it’s a color that is hard for me to describe. I walked into my bedroom where the old man was just putting the finishing touches on the room. He turned and looked at me, saying nothing. Not only was the room painted, but exquisitely furnished. He had done all of it for me. As I looked around in wonder, I saw hundreds of picture frames around the room. On the walls, on the dresser, on the floor, everywhere. I looked and saw that the picture frames were empty. The old man smiled and I woke up.

I’ve remembered the dream all these years. With Guest Blogger’s help, I realized that the dream meant several things. I couldn’t take care of things all by myself. That it was ok to ask for help and to accept help when it was offered. And if I let God take care of things, he would fulfill His promise to me to restore all that I had lost and give me still more. That I had to be patient with Him and with myself. I would have happy moments again to fill up those frames.

You know, I’ve been waiting to fill up those frames all these years. I’ve been living the last 7 years waiting. It’s time to realize that I’ve been filling up those frames with people, with family and friends, with blogs and experiences and lessons. I need to remember that life is lived now, I’m living it and I need to be thankful not only for all that have, and for all that I don’t have. It’s all a gift and I still have a lot of frames to put pictures in!

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