The Geek

Bee Gees Song of the Day: Emotion

It's just emotion that's taken me over
Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul

The last halcyon days at the beach were as the others before it. The air was warm, the days filled with sun, cards were played, waves were ridden, sand offended.

What did I learn? I learned that ocean water stings your eyes and throat and makes you feel sick if you accidentally swallow it. I learned that breaking into a house is easy and that teenagers are very resourceful in its execution. I realized that, lovely as an ocean-front cottage is, that I’m more a lake house person. I’d far rather hear birds in the morning and the gentle lap of water than the unrelenting and omni-present crashing of waves on the surf. Mostly, though, I learned that for me, vacation is wherever my children are. They are my heaven and I am happiest when I am with them.

Ahhhh, but everyone learned lessons at the beach this year. My companions learned something about me, though I suspect they already knew it.

I’m a geek.

I think I keep that side of my personality in check pretty well. I simply have a variety of interests and am conversant on many topics. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. I might not be able to dazzle anyone with my politics, but I can make a few intelligent remarks on occasion. I read the headlines and can hold my own. I don’t know art, but I know what I like. On some subjects though, I realize I can be annoying with my in depth knowledge and I work hard to be subtle on those topics.

But when alcohol has been introduced in nearly infinite abundance, one’s social monitor can become skewed.

The first instance happened Monday evening. The night of a thousand sangrias. We were playing “Scene It!” and the question to the opposing team was, “What was the official title of the fourth episode of Star Wars?”

“They get all the EASY questions.” I grumbled. But when they hadn’t answered it in seven seconds, I realized that they didn’t know it. Fools. FOOLS! I mocked them for their ignorance. Like Glenn Close in “The Natural” I stood up, certain the light of knowledge was shining through me, the amazing “Lady in White” come to shed the warmth of her wisdom on the cold, damp misery of the damned. Time ran out. I could hear a host of God’s angels singing behind me as I announced, “A New Hope!” I sat down. We didn’t move forward on the game board with my brilliance (I rarely do on the game board of life either), but I was secure in the fact that I was amazing. Yes, I noted the eye rolls. The whispered comments; the sneers.

The ignorant are so sad.

The evening wasn’t over though. No no, not by a long shot. Later in the game, the opposing team was unfortunate enough to draw yet another Star Wars question. I lit up. “What planet did Luke go to to see Yoda in “The Empire Strikes Back”?”

I stood up again. The opposing team groaned. Everyone groaned. Hell, I think even the angels were tired of my obnoxious behavior. I waited to see if time would run out…it did. I not only knew the answer, I quoted Luke, “That’s right R2. We’re going to the Dagobah system.”

Senator Palpatine, Endor, “Dantooine, they’re on Dantooine”, “I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board”, Mos Eisley, Biggs, womp rats back home. Go ahead, ask me a question.

Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Lost, the Zodiac serial killer…I have been immersed. I can frighten you with my knowledge of XPhilia. These things don’t often come up in conversation, but when they do, well, let’s just say I know a little bit. But I had not achieved my crowning glory. No, not yet.

It was the final night of vacation; the last hurrah. Cranium was introduced to the crowd. Four teams were chosen. Happily, this evening, my recreational beverage consumption was quite conservative. I was calm, coherent and perfectly sober. My team mates were my cousins Kathryn and Daniel.

We were fortunate right out of the gate to enjoy a series of questions that we answered quickly and accurately. I only state fact when I tell you that in no time, we were up in the “cranium” working on a win. But harsh Dame Experience has taught me true; nothing is secure in this world. I’ve been in the brain first too many times and still lost. We could not be smug.

Another team made it to the cranium. The race was on. We had one category to go; Data Head. I hate the data head questions. Too much like math. We missed twice. To come so close, the searing pain of competition burned in my gut. How could I face myself tomorrow, how could we lose when we had been so far ahead?

It was our turn to go. The question was pulled from that awful red box of hateful hateful data. It was multiple choice. Colleen read, “Name the language shown below.”

It was my moment of glory. The sweet music of success played in a crescendo all about me. My team turned to me. As if in slow motion, I took the card from Colleen’s hand. Meg looked over Colleen's shoulder, shriveled inside herself and walked away. She knew. She knew the game was over. My obsession of the last ten months had finally paid off.

It was Korean.