Thursday, July 12, 2007

Commute Rant

Two years driving in Northern VA has taught me a great deal.

I’ve learned that VA drivers slow down at the threat of snow. They slow down at the sight of flakes. They slow down when it rains and they slow down when it’s sunny. The only time VA drivers proceed at a normal pace is when it is overcast in the summer. VA drivers do NOT heed any weather restrictions though, when riding your bumper. They speed up actually, slam into you from behind causing $2400 worth of damage to your trunk.

Just some of my assembled wisdom.

Yesterday, I came up with yet another “VA Commute Constant”:

“The randiness of the couple in front of one is directly proportional to the size of the accident five miles ahead.”

I had the pleasure of driving behind a darling little couple from the University of Virginia yesterday on Route 28. I assumed one of them attended UVA only because of the bumper stickers, the vanity plates, and the team mascot plastered on the back window. Maybe she borrowed her sister’s car. I dunno.

I do know that the fella in the passenger seat was feeling a bit libidinous as he kept leaning over and giving her little pecks on her ear. And on her cheek. And on her neck. And on her shoulder. Not hard to guess what he was pecking as he leaned into the steering wheel.

Our blonde female driver reveled in the attention. In fact, each time our cars were forced to come to a halt due to the traffic, there was a sudden leaning in toward the middle of the front seat and feverish clinging-to of lips and arms and flailing.

And there was a four car pile up ahead.

Part of me rejoiced in young love. Part of me sniggered at it. Somewhere something unbidden said, “If they lived in Hussein’s Iraq, she’d get stoned in public.”

I’m a bitter bitter woman.


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