Saturday, February 28, 2009

Cougar Barbie and the Northern Virginia Barbies

They all live here.

Barbie NoVa I1. " Loudoun County Barbie "
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Dulles Town Center or Tysons Corner II. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton Handbags, a brand new Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a way overpriced house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken in High Tech/Attorney/CPA/M.D. Attire sold only in conjunction with the augmented Barbie version.

Barbie NoVa II

2. " Fairfax County Barbie "
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. She's currently taking Spanish lessons to get along with her neighbors. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Barbie NoVa IV 3. " McLean Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Barbie NoVa VI

4. " Ashburn Barbie "
This Botox Barbie comes dressed to impress in leopard print pants and bleached blonde hair . She comes ready to party with a cosmopolitan in her right hand and a bottle of Valium in her left. Overpriced condo sold separately.

Barbie NoVa V 5. And finally : " Woodbridge Barbie "
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Credit where it's due: the Northern VA Barbies, though I saw them online a few years ago, I found again at X Curmudgeon's blog.


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