Friday, May 25, 2007

Watching Them Go

Two thirds of my children are living on their own.

It's been the normal progression really and it has all been right and good. But somehow nothing quite moves a mom to tears more than the prospect of watching her son take the hand of a beautiful woman in marriage.

Joshua, is getting married to Stephanie on June 9th. I could not be happier. But driving home tonight, a song came on the radio that made me cry. I'll be honest, it made me cry when the kids were babies, but now....oooooof. I started to remember the day Josh was born. It was November, he was a month early, and I had 21 hours of labor (only the last 18 were hard). I remember Mom and Dad coming in my hospital room. They must have seen the hole in my sock; without saying a word, Dad walked out and came back with a package of new socks for me to wear. They waited. Then Rob's Mom, Dad and Grandmother came down. They waited. The Giants must have been playing on the television because I distinctly remember telling Rob that a contraction was coming and he said, "Hold on. They are in the middle of a play." So I waited. Rob will, of course, deny this if you ask him. (Adam was born during baseball season, Yankees were do the math).

The pushing was the worst and I remember thinking mid screeAAAAMMM was that my parents, my in laws and my 70 year old grandmother-in-law could all hear me. What must they think? How mortifying. At the end of it I had a 6 lb 7 oz son in my arms and Rob ran out of the room to our parents (and his Mainer Grandmother) and shouted "I DID IT!"

Holding Joshua in the recovery room was the only time I felt a true surge of physical euphoria.

I look back on it and we were both so young. Neither one of us knew what we were in for. We tried so hard and we did our best. But you wish at that second that you hold them as you wish always that you do the right things for your children. You worry, Did I yell too much? Did I yell too little? Will they remember what I told them? Will they be good people? Will they be happy? Did I screw them up completely? And you just want to tell them, I love you. I love you. I love you. You are never alone. No matter what, no matter if you are good or bad, fat or thin, rich or poor, virtuous or hose bag, I love you. Call me if you can. Only if you feel like it. Are you ok? Can you pay your bills? You need money? Will you tell me if you need something? Please don't hurt, please God don't ever let them hurt. Oh God, I can't keep them from hurting anymore.

So sometimes I cry and all times I miss them, but I am so proud of my three children. Proud of the fine people they are. I think I am most proud that they've never ever been afraid to tell their Dad and I that they love us. Even during the difficult teenage years, dropping them off at school, in full view of God and country, they'd hug us good bye and tell us they loved us. I know Robbie and I did good.

Forever Young (R. Stewart/J. Cregan/K. Savigar)

May the good lord be with you
Down every road you roam
And may sunshine and happiness
Surround you when youre far from home
And may you grow to be proud
Dignified and true
And do unto others
As you'd have done to you
Be courageous and be brave
And in my heart youll always stay
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young

May good fortune be with you
May your guiding light be strong
Build a stairway to heaven
With a prince or a vagabond

And may you never love in vain
And in my heart you will remain
Forever young, forever young
Forever young, forever young
Forever young
Forever young

And when you finally fly away
Ill be hoping that I served you well
For all the wisdom of a lifetime
No one can ever tell

But whatever road you choose
I'm right behind you, win or lose
Forever young, forever young
Forever young ,forever young
Forever young, forever young
For, forever young, forever young


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