Moving

I spent the first 19 years of my life on the same hill in the same town in the same part of upstate New York. The same school, the same friends, confident that my consistent world would always exist. Then I got married.

I am convinced that Rob was born with gypsy blood coursing through his veins. Married for 15 years, we moved 11 times. Not the move-out-in-the-middle-of-the-night-to-avoid-paying-rent or anything, just a nomadic search for some sort of contentment I guess. But not long after having settled into a new place, was my husband scanning the Pennysaver for something less expensive, maybe in a better section of town, or with more bedrooms. If he weren't looking for a better rent, it was for a better job. Always looking, always searching, always doing what he had hoped would be the best. God bless him.

I went along with it every time though and so am not without ownership. I figured it was what you did - if that's what your husband wanted, well, why not? Gosh I was so young. :)

Since the split, I've moved twice and today am working on the third time. I hate moving. I mean really; who likes it? I've cut down the frequency by about half - having moved 3 times in 7 years - which I consider real progress.

Moving is so much easier when you are young, you can haul and pack and toss and lift all day; you are tired at night, but its a good tired. I now have to hire people to move me. I'm older and sometimes its all I can do to carry the dirty clothes hamper into the laundry room. My strong young backs all reside in New York and I don't want to make them drive 10 hours to move me and then go back in the same weekend. They would if I asked them to, but that would just be a big ball of wrong. Meg and I are looking forward to the change though. New is always fun. She is such a good sport about it all. She has gone through so much loss; so much change.

But we aren't moving far. It's in the same complex, and Meggie will stay in the same town, be educated in the same school, hang out at the same Starbucks with the same friends. I can give her that at least.

How sad I am - unlike me at 15, she will never have the same confidence that her world will always exist. My only hope is that she will be a stronger person for it.