Sunday, December 24, 2006

Emo: Abbreviated form of the word emotional, emote, emotion. A state of being characterized by depressive behavior tending toward the dramatic. Associated primarily with teenagers. Experiencers don’t wash, they wear hooded sweatshirts – primarily black, and brush their hair into their face to prohibit socialization. May also be used to express a temporary abnormal state of mind - types of which vary.

The fruits of obsession are emo.

In my last missive, I mentioned that I started watching “Emperor of the Sea” or “Haeshin” on the AZN channel. It’s almost over. I’m down to the last 5 episodes. I still know how its going to end and it still isn’t good and I still can’t tear myself away. Those in touch with my day-to-day life know that not only can I not tear myself away, but that it has become an obsession.

I used to be all things Bee Gees. For a while, I had a whole Colin-Firth-Pride-and-Prejudice-Bridget-Jones thing going on. This lead to a Jane Austen thing for a bit. My Lord of the Rings stint had me reading the trilogy and listening to “The Silmarillion” on tape. The less said about my X-Philia the better. I tend toward obsessive behavior. I know this. Those closest to me know this. And because I am now manifesting publicly, people within my periphery are starting to know this.

In my desperation, I attempted to lure others into watching “Haeshin” with me. Poor Meghann was a prisoner - though I did not force her to watch. Local family expressed disinterest. Colleagues in the office just stared. Well, except for Chinh. Chinh keeps promising me he’s going to sit down at his computer during the Christmas break and watch all the episodes on YouTube. I appreciate his attempts at zeal, but the show is almost over – I needed real time collaboration over the course of the last month and a half. I vowed to watch alone.

But I couldn’t keep the cracks from showing. I’ve been faced with a variety of reactions: Kathryn – amused tolerance, Anne – derision, scorn. Adrienne – feigned enthusiasm – no doubt greedily eyeing a permanent Administrative Support position in my department. Poor Colleen attempted to enter the fray, with an unfortunate mixing of an actor’s name with the Seinfeld Soup Nazi Episode by emailing me rather forcefully, “NO MORE SUK FOR YOU!” OK, Colleen? His name’s not Suk. It’s Il Guk. Mr. Song if you’re nasty.

Lacie. Dear Lacie, fellow X-Phile and LOTR officianado, appreciated my passion; she understood. “You going to learn how to speak Korean?” The total acceptance and understanding I craved.

Yeom Jang, mortal enemy of Jang BoGo and desperately in love with Jung Hwa,. Yeom Jang was beautiful, complex, passionate, and ultimately tragic. Jang BoGo – slave elevated to Ambassador of the Emperor – rags to riches, good to the core, wise and compassionate, willing to risk his life to bring peace to the Shilla people and to the conflicted Yeom Jang. Jung Hwa – in love with Jang BoGo, sacrifices that love on the altar of karma so that BoGo can accomplish his mission, pities Yeom Jang, scorns his love – ultimately causing the fall into the twisted depths of his hell. B*tch. Had she thrown Yeom Jang a bone, just one stinking bone, he might have been able to redeem himself. I hope you die cold, alone and barren Jung Hwa. Cow.

I am now familiar with South Korea, its’ population, exports and weather patterns. I’ve educated myself on Jang Bogo – a real character in Korean history – as was Yeom Jang. (Thank God Jung Hwa isn’t a real character. I’d have to rescind my prayer that she die barren.) I keep up to date on Song Il Guk – a phenomenal actor, a former runway model, currently playing the lead in another historical drama, “Jumong” and by all accounts incredibly shy.

Such is my mania. As I said, the fruits of obsession are emo. I’m facing the loss of these characters. I may grieve. Emo. Fragmented. I could be emo for a while, maybe forever. I guess my point is, after I have completed my journey into madness, when I am sitting in an asylum doped up on psychotropics muttering "anneyong haseyo" "kamsahamnida", "ca! ca ca ca!" and "anyo" please remember me when I was whole.


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