Cougar Barbie and the Northern Virginia Barbies

They all live here.

1. " Loudoun County Barbie "
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Dulles Town Center or Tysons Corner II. She comes with an assortment of Louis Vuitton Handbags, a brand new Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a way overpriced house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken in High Tech/Attorney/CPA/M.D. Attire sold only in conjunction with the augmented Barbie version.

2. " Fairfax County Barbie "
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. She's currently taking Spanish lessons to get along with her neighbors. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

3. " McLean Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

4. " Ashburn Barbie "
This Botox Barbie comes dressed to impress in leopard print pants and bleached blonde hair . She comes ready to party with a cosmopolitan in her right hand and a bottle of Valium in her left. Overpriced condo sold separately.

5. And finally : " Woodbridge Barbie "
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Credit where it's due: the Northern VA Barbies, though I saw them online a few years ago, I found again at X Curmudgeon's blog.

Terroir; or How Drunk Do I Have To Be To Like This?

Tip #1 – How can you tell that the writers and the producers didn’t care a whole lot about this series? If they can’t get something as basic as “Bordeaux” right in WINE poster in a WINE series…bless me - I should have stopped watching at this point.

I hit a trifecta of craptacularity in some recent samples of Korean entertainment. While it hasn’t put me off the genre, to the dismay of family and friends, I realize that some shows just suck and I don’t have to finish watching them. No I do not.

I made no secret of my disappointment in “Kingdom of the Wind”. Being a firmly grounded fan of Song Il Guk, and still feeling the guilt for never having finished the equally craptacular “The Lobbyist”, I forced myself to finish that particular saeguek. The film “100 Days With Mr. Arrogant” was just insipid. But I finished it. I find I just can’t finish “Terroir” and it’s a shame.

I wanted to like it. I thought highly of Han Hye Jin in “Jumong” as Soseono and I wanted to see her in a different role. In “Terroir” she played the irrepressible Lee Woo Joo. Playing opposite HHJ was Kim Joo Hyuck as Kang Tae Min.

Now when I first read the premise, I smelled marketing. I could hear Korean guys in a room saying, “Yeah, see, Coffee Prince, see,” all plotting guys in a room sound like Edward G. Robinson in my head , even if they are Korean, “Yeah, that Coffee Prince, did a lot for the coffee industry. Yeah, yeah. Let’s make one up for, wine, yeah, wine, see? “ and so they did. Indeed, promotional stills showed everyone raising their wine glasses in joy, toasting each other – mmmmmm, wine is so goooood! Yum! Let’s go to France! Let’s dress up in black! We are so sophisticated! Sadly, this was no Coffee Prince and any wine I wound up drinking was only to make the series slightly more palatable.

Tip #2. We are supposed to be in a restaurant, presumably to sell food and wine. It would help to be able to read the specials on the menu.

I had a difficult time at first believing that Woo Joo and Tae Min were supposed to be our love interests. Tae Min was cold and cruel with a face carved out of wood, Woo Joo was immature. loud, brash and quite frankly, annoying. I’ll admit, as the series progressed, I began to enjoy the characters and their development as a couple more and I was optimistic. It was poetic in some ways, really, that Kang Tae Min and his old girlfriend Ji Sun – their relationship was like the wine “Chateau Margeaux” - having not been kept carefully it spoiled. The relationship between Tae Min and Woo Joo, was represented by the the “Chateau Mouton Meyer”, getting better and more precious with time.

Then, I don’t know what happened. It was like they took all the good writers away and replaced them with chimps. The last third of the series had all sorts of plot twists thrown at the viewer without warning – like angry chimp poo. Sweet sweet Joey (played by Ki Tae Young - Dr. Whiny Crybaby from “White Tower”) turning all evil because no one would forgive him for setting Auntie and Uncle on fire when he was a kid and killing them so he decides to go psycho and take over Grandfather’s company to PUNISH THEM ALLLLLLLLLL.

WTF? I mean, seriously, WTF? Do you think I’m an idiot? Obviously the writers did, because that was only one of the ridiculous plot devices used toward the end to beef it up. It lost me. I didn’t want to finish. I realized today that I don’t have to finish it. I decided to keep the few sweet moments in the series and just let go of all the rest. I still like Han Hye Jin and am willing to watch Kim Joo Hyuck in something else, I simply can’t bring myself to finish this series.

No enthusiasm. No review. Too bad. So Sad.

The good news is I am watching “When it’s At Night” with Kim Sun Ah and Lee Dong Gun. This series? Not a chimp-poo fest. Not yet. So far – fabulous.

Palette Cleansing

….is usually a good thing.  Then you mistakenly ingest poo and are left with a nasty ass taste in your mouth.

I really wanted to see Ha Ji Won in something less intense.  I watched Hwang Jini a few years ago and she was superb, stony when she had to be cold, freaky when she went nuts.  I think she’s a tremendous actress with a lot of range, and really needed something to make me laugh after the cry fest that was Damo. 

I didn’t want to commit to another series and thought to check out the Korean film 100 Days with Mr. Arrogant (2004).  The premise was a typically formulaic bad Korean drama; poor girl does something to offend rich guy, rich guy forces her into indentured servitude, which she accedes to by signing a form, she has to clean his nasty apartment, or wash his car, blah blah blah, she finds out he lied to her, she gets him back, they fall in love, they kiss by a body of water, the camera spins as their unmoving mouths are glued together forever and ever and ever and ever. 

Maybe it wasn’t a bad if you were a 14 year old Korean girl.  It is likely that that was the demographic the screenplay and director were targeting.  Reactions were overly dramatic (as 14 year old girls can be) and the situations ridiculous.  There was really nothing redeeming, no deeper message a la “S-Diaries” to give the film any meaning. 

Ha Ji Won certainly has range, as she capably played a silly 18 year old high school senior.  I think it is likely she did her job, and the movie was what it was meant to be; a poorly written, poorly conceived silly piece of fluff. 

Mission accomplished though.  The tears from Damo lubricated the sockets to accommodate all the eye roll activity from this film.  Please don’t bother watching this ever.  Please.

Last Little Damo

"Relationships are not solidified when people meet, but when they end. Thanks for letting me be with you until the end." - Hwangbok Joon

"I missed you, Jae Hui." - Jae Mo

One can tell from the start that Damo is a tragedy - credits begin with our first image of Chae Ohk, the edges are sliced and the entire pictorial becomes skewed.

If you don't want to be spoiled for the end, don't watch this. It's a high def version of the end scene of the series. The subs are in French - because I couldn't find a high def version in English. This is Jae Hui and her brother Jae Mo.

Damo; A Review

  Recognizing that my review process is more than a little tongue in cheek, I think it might be difficult to lump Damo in with so many other k-dramas.  I remember feeling similarly about “Thank You” after having watched that show.  Damo has been the only k-drama that I’ve put my head down in my arms and out and out wept wracking sobs.  It was unlike anything I have seen to this point and it almost feels wrong to apply my typical k-drama review formula here. 

But my reviews are my reviews.  Let’s see what I can make of it.

Ponder Angst – There was a lot of ponder angst in this series.  Our characters went back in their minds and pondered over moments of each other pretty frequently.  It may have gotten a little tired, but I never rolled my eyes.  I’m giving it the full 20 points.

Love “ – “ Angles – Woof.  Chae Ohk loves Hwangbok Yoon, Hwangbok Yoon loves Chae Ohk, Chae Ohk also loves Jang Sung Baek, and he loves her back.  Nan Soo, the daughter of the police chief sincerely loves Hwangbok Yoon and another guy really loves Chae Ohk, “Marry me and I will spend the rest of your life making you smile.”  Maybe she should have picked him in the end.  Six angles makes 24 points.

Sizzle – The lead actors in this series Ha Jin Won, Kim Min Joon, and Lee Seo Jin were exquisite from the first scene to the last.  Whenever they were together in any combination, heat came off the screen.  Hwangbok Yoon struggling with his love for Chae Ohk, her desire to serve him and not to love him, her struggle to do her duty as a Damo and arrest Jang Sung Baek or to give in to her growing feeling for him.  Jang Sung Baek and his love of his people.  They all had sizzle and I’m giving them 30 points for it. 

Physical Intimacy – The most we ever get of physical intimacy for any of our protagonists is an embrace.  No kissing, no baby making.  There was enough intimacy when Yoon tended to the wounded Ohk and whenever Sung Baek looked at Damo for me to give this 20 points.

Tragic Heartwrenching Disease and/or Character Death from Same – Not a lot of disease, aside from leprosy, in the series.   There are so many scenes where someone is wounded, infected, bullet-ridden, or slashed with a knife.  The intention of the metric is for cancer, anorexia, or constipation, but I’m giving it 10 just for all the wounds.

Tazza Factor – The Tazza factor is about being spellbound from the first episode of a series, as I was with Tazza.  Tazza, I watched in just over 24 hours.  I was absolutely held in this series’ thrall, though it took me a week to watch all 14 episodes.  10 points.

Going to the Beach – Jae Hui and Jae Mo’s dad offs himself, a bad cop kills himself by butting his head against the wall, a Japanese killer for hire commits hari kari.  If there is more, I’ve forgotten it, but there was no suicide at the waterfront.  15 points in the bonus round for Damo. 

So Damo gets a 129 on the E-scale, the highest any series has gotten to date.  It was a neat 14 episodes, the sound track was at times sad and gentle, at others, filled with energy and action.  The look and feel of the series was wonderful, and even I got some of the more arty and beautiful shots. 

The kung-foo was very “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon” but didn’t take me out of the story at all, indeed, was very much a part of it.  Many k-dramas boast a tragic ending, few are as worthy of Shakespeare as this one. 

Will I watch it again?  I just don’t know.  I’ve said no before; particularly to “Thank You” and “Coffee Prince” and I wound up buying the box sets for both those series.  I’ve had to go back already to get a couple of quotes correct and I burst into tears again. 

I’ll have to let you know.

Damo; An Attempt To Organize My Thoughts

mae hwa bat [A Grove Of Ja -

I just finished this drama and the tears are still streaming down my face as I listen to part of the official sound track to Damo: Adagio and A Song of Sorrow.

Damo was another of those Korean Dramas I thought would be important for me to watch like Stairway to Heaven, Winter Sonata and Full House. I was no where close to being as touched by any of those three dramas as I was with Damo. I’d been putting off watching for a while; I had read the summaries, the plot had a little of a disturbing twist that I think I was avoiding, but I decided last weekend to give it a go. It was only 14 episodes, after all.

Damo is the story of Jae Hui (played superbly by Ha Jin Won)– a seven year old girl whose nobleman father, after a government scandal, kills himself rather than be taken in by the royal guard. Jae Hui and her brother Jae Mo (played by Kim Min Joon) ride off together so they are not captured by the guards and taken away. This attempt is for naught, they are captured and cruelly separated.

Enter Hwangbok Yoon (played by Lee Seo Jin), teenage son of a nobleman and his mistress, he is shunned by a society that favors noble purebreds. Jae Hui becomes his slave girl, but as they grow a familial bond forms between the two that cannot be broken. Jae Hui is no longer called so by society, since she is a slave, her name becomes Chae Ohk, which aptly means a colorful marble.

Chae Ohk becomes a damo – a female police officer. Not quite what we in the west consider a female police officer, she is also still considered a servant girl, less than nothing, used as a female police officer when a woman dies so she can investigate where no men can go. This position is suitable to both Chae Ohk and Joon, she is able to serve him and he is able to keep an eye on her and keep her near.

As time goes on, we sense his confusion as Joon becomes aware of and begins to acknowledge deeper feelings for Ohk but because of his rank, he is unable to express them. We sense that Ohk may have feelings for Joon as well, but she will not give them any purchase because she is a slave and unworthy to even have thoughts of loving him. It is enough for her to think of him as family.

Chae Ohk goes undercover to infiltrate a gang of counterfeiters/ rebels in the mountains and meets the very charismatic Jang Sung Baek, leader of the rebels. As a part of the gang, Ohk begins to see that Sung Baek is not just a foul law breaker, but a leader of people who love him, who loves them back as a loving father would. She is drawn to Sung Baek and his mountain people – and begins to develop feelings for him.

She knows her duty, but her instinct will not allow her to kill him. Jang Sung Baek knows that Chae Ohk is a damo, knows she has infiltrated his camp, but his instinct will not allow him to kill her or give her up to his men.

We learn pretty early on that Jang Sung Baek is Chae Ohk’s brother and are a little creeped out that they are falling in love. While we are trying to cope with that, we watch as obsession begins to overtake Hwangbok Joon, as he gives in to his love for Chae Ohk and has to find her.

Watching the irony, as Chae Ohk pushes away Joon, saying she loved Hwangbok Joon as her brother, but drawing love nearer as a woman to her blood brother Jang Sung Baek.

Hwangbok Joon, laments throughout the series that he has never done one thing for Chae Ohk, all he now wants is to take her into the mountains to love her and care for her forever. Jang Sung Baek no longer wants to live the life of a rebel, wants to take Chae Ohk to the mountains; “I used to dream about the “good” life where I could hold a shovel instead of a sword, and till a field, and find a wife and raise a child. My "good" life is the treason and the conspiracy”.

I was pulled in every direction possible with this series. What was right? What was wrong? Characters manipulated by evil power hungry nobles, trapped in a cruel society that discriminated based on birth, based on perceived scandal, who fought to hide the love they felt for fear of disgracing themselves and their families.

In the end, I understood that Chae Ohk truly loved Joon as a man and the pull of love she felt toward Jang Sung Baek was the love of a sister for her brother – they had both confused the attraction of their blood for something more earthly.

There were so many moving moments I can barely enumerate them. The final scene at the beach, the scene at the cliffs, Joon cleaning Chae Ohk up and brushing her hair in the temple when she is in a coma, when Jang Sung Baek realizes he just missed Jae Hui in the temple and runs out to find her, but cannot.

I thought the ending was as it had to be. Hwangbok Joon was finally finally able to do something for his beloved Chae Ohk. Jang Sung Baek understood that his movement of the people would continue, that his steps simply forged the beginnings of a new road for those he loved. He as at last able to shed his pain and look upon his sister. I wept and wept the last 15 minutes of the series and for some time afterward, in fact, as I type now, I am still crying.

I will be haunted by those words, “I missed you Jae Hui.”

“A far off mountain, a mountain with a deep green forest.
A destiny that could not foresee that divide
A love I could not measure
A love that tore apart my heart
Not again, never again
Do not live for me”

He Vas My Boyfriend

“Young Frankenstein” is among my favorite movies of all time. Like “Pride and Prejudice” and reading that book once every twelve months or so, “Young Frankenstein” is one of those movies I try to watch every year. Of all the Mel Brooks movies that I’ve seen (and granted, I have not seen them all) this is my favorite. It’s smoother, classier, the performances are more subtle, the writing is slightly less in-your-face-bawdy, though its got plenty of bawd.

Gene Wilder, Madeline Kahn, Peter Boyle, Marty Feldman, Cloris Leachman, Teri Garr – what a wonderful cast. I could go on and on – I don’t think there was a stand out – it all worked so well - the self absorbed Elizabeth by Madeline Kahn, Frederick von Frankenstein’s (that’s Franken-steen) growing desperation, Teri Garr and Inga’s loving sensuality, the beautiful Marty Feldman as Igor (“Well they were wrong then, weren’t they?”)

Cloris Leachman as the outwardly cold and repressed but her passion burning with the heat of one thousand suns as Frau Blucher and her longing for her beloved Victor.

I was listening to my Sirius satellite radio yesterday and fell on the Broadway Channel and got a load of Andrea Martin singing “He Vas My Boyfriend” from Broadway’s rendition of “Young Frankenstein”. I loved it, ran home and shared it with my daughter and wanted to share it with you.

“I'll never forget the first time I met Victor. It vas on the village green, at the annual bock beer festival, where every beer -- cost a bock.”

He Vas My Boyfriend - Andrea Martin

[Frau Blucher]
Love comes when you least suspect it,
love dances in on a whim,
I thought maybe I could direct it,
But I never expected...
A guuy like him.

He was a bully und a brute,
he vas as crazy as a coot,
still I didn't give a hoot,
He vas my boyfriend!

With ev'ry voman he vould flirt,
He alvays treated me like dirt,
But I vas happy to be hurt,
He vas my boyfriend!

I vas as pure as a virgin meadow,
lying with Vicotr in the gloam.
Then he turned to me, that charmer, whispered, "Let's play farmer."
And plowed me 'til the cows came home!

He vas a monster and a beast,
His midnight bangings never ceased,
it didn't faze me in the least,
He vas my boyfriend!

(spoken)
I'll never forget the first time I met Victor. It vas on the village green,
at the annual bock beer festival, where every beer cost a bock.
I vas an innocent young lamb and he was a dirty old goat.
Ve vere made for each other.
All of a sudden, he took out his paraphernalia and shouted,
"Let's play croquet!", and off to the field ve vent.
He carried his hoops and mallets and I carried his balls.
What a festival! Fun and games all day long. Archery, badminton, potato sack.
Victor won the three-legged race...all by himself. It vas love at first sight.

(sung)
He vas the one I gave my heart to,
but ve never wed even so,
If I mentioned wedlock,
he'd put me in a headlock!

Vhen I asked to be his wife,
he stabbed me with a kitchen knife,
Ach, where did the good times go?

If he had an angry fit,
I vas the first thing that he'd hit,
but I didn't give a shit...

He vas my boyfriend!