The Geek

Bee Gees Song of the Day: Emotion

It's just emotion that's taken me over
Tied up in sorrow, lost in my soul

The last halcyon days at the beach were as the others before it. The air was warm, the days filled with sun, cards were played, waves were ridden, sand offended.

What did I learn? I learned that ocean water stings your eyes and throat and makes you feel sick if you accidentally swallow it. I learned that breaking into a house is easy and that teenagers are very resourceful in its execution. I realized that, lovely as an ocean-front cottage is, that I’m more a lake house person. I’d far rather hear birds in the morning and the gentle lap of water than the unrelenting and omni-present crashing of waves on the surf. Mostly, though, I learned that for me, vacation is wherever my children are. They are my heaven and I am happiest when I am with them.

Ahhhh, but everyone learned lessons at the beach this year. My companions learned something about me, though I suspect they already knew it.

I’m a geek.

I think I keep that side of my personality in check pretty well. I simply have a variety of interests and am conversant on many topics. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. I might not be able to dazzle anyone with my politics, but I can make a few intelligent remarks on occasion. I read the headlines and can hold my own. I don’t know art, but I know what I like. On some subjects though, I realize I can be annoying with my in depth knowledge and I work hard to be subtle on those topics.

But when alcohol has been introduced in nearly infinite abundance, one’s social monitor can become skewed.

The first instance happened Monday evening. The night of a thousand sangrias. We were playing “Scene It!” and the question to the opposing team was, “What was the official title of the fourth episode of Star Wars?”

“They get all the EASY questions.” I grumbled. But when they hadn’t answered it in seven seconds, I realized that they didn’t know it. Fools. FOOLS! I mocked them for their ignorance. Like Glenn Close in “The Natural” I stood up, certain the light of knowledge was shining through me, the amazing “Lady in White” come to shed the warmth of her wisdom on the cold, damp misery of the damned. Time ran out. I could hear a host of God’s angels singing behind me as I announced, “A New Hope!” I sat down. We didn’t move forward on the game board with my brilliance (I rarely do on the game board of life either), but I was secure in the fact that I was amazing. Yes, I noted the eye rolls. The whispered comments; the sneers.

The ignorant are so sad.

The evening wasn’t over though. No no, not by a long shot. Later in the game, the opposing team was unfortunate enough to draw yet another Star Wars question. I lit up. “What planet did Luke go to to see Yoda in “The Empire Strikes Back”?”

I stood up again. The opposing team groaned. Everyone groaned. Hell, I think even the angels were tired of my obnoxious behavior. I waited to see if time would run out…it did. I not only knew the answer, I quoted Luke, “That’s right R2. We’re going to the Dagobah system.”

Senator Palpatine, Endor, “Dantooine, they’re on Dantooine”, “I recognized your foul stench when I was brought on board”, Mos Eisley, Biggs, womp rats back home. Go ahead, ask me a question.

Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Lost, the Zodiac serial killer…I have been immersed. I can frighten you with my knowledge of XPhilia. These things don’t often come up in conversation, but when they do, well, let’s just say I know a little bit. But I had not achieved my crowning glory. No, not yet.

It was the final night of vacation; the last hurrah. Cranium was introduced to the crowd. Four teams were chosen. Happily, this evening, my recreational beverage consumption was quite conservative. I was calm, coherent and perfectly sober. My team mates were my cousins Kathryn and Daniel.

We were fortunate right out of the gate to enjoy a series of questions that we answered quickly and accurately. I only state fact when I tell you that in no time, we were up in the “cranium” working on a win. But harsh Dame Experience has taught me true; nothing is secure in this world. I’ve been in the brain first too many times and still lost. We could not be smug.

Another team made it to the cranium. The race was on. We had one category to go; Data Head. I hate the data head questions. Too much like math. We missed twice. To come so close, the searing pain of competition burned in my gut. How could I face myself tomorrow, how could we lose when we had been so far ahead?

It was our turn to go. The question was pulled from that awful red box of hateful hateful data. It was multiple choice. Colleen read, “Name the language shown below.”

It was my moment of glory. The sweet music of success played in a crescendo all about me. My team turned to me. As if in slow motion, I took the card from Colleen’s hand. Meg looked over Colleen's shoulder, shriveled inside herself and walked away. She knew. She knew the game was over. My obsession of the last ten months had finally paid off.

It was Korean.

Emo: Abbreviated form of the word emotional, emote, emotion. A state of being characterized by depressive behavior tending toward the dramatic. Associated primarily with teenagers. Experiencers don’t wash, they wear hooded sweatshirts – primarily black, and brush their hair into their face to prohibit socialization. May also be used to express a temporary abnormal state of mind - types of which vary.

The fruits of obsession are emo.

In my last missive, I mentioned that I started watching “Emperor of the Sea” or “Haeshin” on the AZN channel. It’s almost over. I’m down to the last 5 episodes. I still know how its going to end and it still isn’t good and I still can’t tear myself away. Those in touch with my day-to-day life know that not only can I not tear myself away, but that it has become an obsession.

I used to be all things Bee Gees. For a while, I had a whole Colin-Firth-Pride-and-Prejudice-Bridget-Jones thing going on. This lead to a Jane Austen thing for a bit. My Lord of the Rings stint had me reading the trilogy and listening to “The Silmarillion” on tape. The less said about my X-Philia the better. I tend toward obsessive behavior. I know this. Those closest to me know this. And because I am now manifesting publicly, people within my periphery are starting to know this.

In my desperation, I attempted to lure others into watching “Haeshin” with me. Poor Meghann was a prisoner - though I did not force her to watch. Local family expressed disinterest. Colleagues in the office just stared. Well, except for Chinh. Chinh keeps promising me he’s going to sit down at his computer during the Christmas break and watch all the episodes on YouTube. I appreciate his attempts at zeal, but the show is almost over – I needed real time collaboration over the course of the last month and a half. I vowed to watch alone.

But I couldn’t keep the cracks from showing. I’ve been faced with a variety of reactions: Kathryn – amused tolerance, Anne – derision, scorn. Adrienne – feigned enthusiasm – no doubt greedily eyeing a permanent Administrative Support position in my department. Poor Colleen attempted to enter the fray, with an unfortunate mixing of an actor’s name with the Seinfeld Soup Nazi Episode by emailing me rather forcefully, “NO MORE SUK FOR YOU!” OK, Colleen? His name’s not Suk. It’s Il Guk. Mr. Song if you’re nasty.

Lacie. Dear Lacie, fellow X-Phile and LOTR officianado, appreciated my passion; she understood. “You going to learn how to speak Korean?” The total acceptance and understanding I craved.

Yeom Jang, mortal enemy of Jang BoGo and desperately in love with Jung Hwa,. Yeom Jang was beautiful, complex, passionate, and ultimately tragic. Jang BoGo – slave elevated to Ambassador of the Emperor – rags to riches, good to the core, wise and compassionate, willing to risk his life to bring peace to the Shilla people and to the conflicted Yeom Jang. Jung Hwa – in love with Jang BoGo, sacrifices that love on the altar of karma so that BoGo can accomplish his mission, pities Yeom Jang, scorns his love – ultimately causing the fall into the twisted depths of his hell. B*tch. Had she thrown Yeom Jang a bone, just one stinking bone, he might have been able to redeem himself. I hope you die cold, alone and barren Jung Hwa. Cow.

I am now familiar with South Korea, its’ population, exports and weather patterns. I’ve educated myself on Jang Bogo – a real character in Korean history – as was Yeom Jang. (Thank God Jung Hwa isn’t a real character. I’d have to rescind my prayer that she die barren.) I keep up to date on Song Il Guk – a phenomenal actor, a former runway model, currently playing the lead in another historical drama, “Jumong” and by all accounts incredibly shy.

Such is my mania. As I said, the fruits of obsession are emo. I’m facing the loss of these characters. I may grieve. Emo. Fragmented. I could be emo for a while, maybe forever. I guess my point is, after I have completed my journey into madness, when I am sitting in an asylum doped up on psychotropics muttering "anneyong haseyo" "kamsahamnida", "ca! ca ca ca!" and "anyo" please remember me when I was whole.