Aaaanhkkk

Oh my teeth.

Had some tooth drama back in October. Jaw bone infection, abscess, dentist-endodontists-periodontologists, antibiotics, appointments, oral surgeons, exhaustive dental benefit review, a little pleading, a lot of frustrated disappointment and anxiety on my part.

In the end, I have to have a lot of work done. A lot. Like the cost of a really nice used car in my mouth. Insurance companies and employers - are not big fans of modern dentistry FYI. Implants are excluded as a paid benefit. Dentures, bridges, Arkansas-mountain-man-teeth-gaps in the front of one's face hole - all paid for. But modern medicine designed to save more natural teeth in the long run; not so much.

I need to have 2 implants, all 4 wisdom teeth removed, a few cavities filled, and my old root canal checked. Along with a few other odds and ends.

For 2010, since my annual maximum benefit is $1500, I decided I could afford to have my wisdom teeth pulled. I've dodged this bullet since I was 17. You know, let this be a lesson to fellow procrastinators: I should have done at 17, when my Dad would have been financially responsible. Or I should have gotten them pulled 15 years ago when I had a spouse contributing to the dental benefit and household expenses. Glad it wasn't done by that freak in 2007, that's for sure. (I just re-read that blog. That hurt!) No. I had to wait until now, more fool I.

The pullin' was scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving. Universally bemoaned, "Awwwww, you'll miss Thanksgiving!" I thought it was brilliant. Four days off from work to heal without taking any sick time - excellent! I was told absolutely no food or liquid 6 hours prior to the surgery. So 7.5 hours before, I took my regular meds, and had a cup of coffee - didn't want to add a caffeine headache on top of tooth pain, now did I? Sooo, clever. I made some bean soup, bought potatoes for mashing. How bad could it be?

Bad. Well, now, not bad as these things go I guess. Could have been worse. My sinus wall could have opened up. I could have been a bleeder. I could have died under the anesthesia (and I needed to go to confession - THAT was stupid!). So, not that bad. Mr. Mississippi Dental Assistant assured me I'd be plenty numb for 6 hours after the surgery. WRONG SIR! My first conscious sensation was pain in the lower right quadrant....uuuhhnnnn then barely a breath later, pain all over my mouth. UUUHHNNNN, it huuuts...dat ogahy?

To be fair, the 2007 Root Canal Debacle left me with more blood and pulp and spit and gore on my face (see above link) than the Mouth Rape of 2010. Hurt plenty, don't get me wrong. Lovely cousins drove me to and from, got me home, settled me in on my couch, while daughter made me instant mashed potatoes and tea. I had to get food on my stomach before I could take the hydrocodone. BTW? Hydrocodone is overrated. 600 mg of ibuprofen did more for me than the narcotics as far as the pain was concerned. Hydrocodone made me crabby and constipated. I'll be looking into pain killing alternatives for the Great Mouth/Wallet Rape 2011.

Still healing. I am rinsing and spitting three times a day, I am now using a syringe to clean food out of the gummy holes twice daily, I brush frequently and in good lock-the-barn-door-now-that-the-cows-are-on-Aunt-Dorothy's-lawn fashion, I floss. All the time. Floss floss floss floss floss!

I'm trying to make friends with this new mouth by sending my tongue out to familiarize itself with all those holes. Holes don't like that. Holes swell up when I do that. Holes say, "No. Leave us alone. We are not ready for company yet. We will call you."

I hope they call soon.

Dentist Cubed

Bee Gees Song of the Day: I’ve Gotta Get A Message to You

Well, the preacher turned to me
and he smiled.
He said, "Come and walk with me,
come and walk one more mile."

Am not having a lot of luck at the dentist.

Today, visit three, I expected my shiny new crowns to be introduced to their new home. I had a sneaking suspicion that Dr. would also want to extract that wisdom tooth he’d been eying since my first visit. I had prepared my defense.

You see, if you’ve been following my aural drama, you might remember that I haven’t had a whole lot of luck with being pain free after my dental visits of late. My first visit required the re-cementing of my other crown. After my visit, I berated myself for the big baby I was, tried to tough it out as the pain kept getting worse. Gums were swollen, warm, and sensitive. My work colleagues expressed concern because of the upcoming Labor Day long weekend, and urged me to call the doctor to get a prescription called in for the infection and the pain.

On Saturday, I had to go to Confession. I deliberately waited to take my 800mg of motrin for several hours so that Father couldn’t recognize my voice. “Bleeh me fahdah, foh ah hab sihn. Eh haz beeh sicks weex sihn mah las cuhfeshoh.”

I was a mess.

Visit two, alluded to briefly two weeks ago, was my dual root canal. Three hours in the chair. 8:30 am – 11:30 am. I was not competent for the rest of the day; the pain was all-consuming. I called in to work to alert them that I would not be in, I went to the store, filled the prescriptions for the pain meds, and lay down on the couch for the remainder of the day, nursing my wounds. I wisely stayed ahead of the pain for the rest of the weekend, stopped taking the more powerful stuff after a day and ate soft things until I could tolerate chewing. It was all good.

So we come to today. As I suspected, Dr. Dentist wanted not only to insert the crowns, but extract my wisdom tooth. Nope. My sons are coming down to visit me and since Dr. has an 0 for 2 record with me, I wasn’t going to willingly deal with any pain over the weekend.

“Can I schedule another visit? I have family coming in.”

“Sure sure, but it’s nothing to pull, that’s going to come right out. It’s no problem.” Not taking a chance doc…I said in my head. He proceeded take out the temporary crowns. Which hurt, surprisingly. “That tooth is sensitive, Dr.”

“Well it should be! HAHAHAHAHAHA! There are nerves in there! Heheheheh”

See, I thought that when one got a root canal, all the roots were drilled out in a pulpy mess. Looking at myself in the mirror during hour 2, solidified that assumption; there was blood and junk everywhere. I was puzzled, but starting to feel ignorant in the Land of Toothy so I didn’t say anything.

I should have.

Maybe sometimes they leave bits of nerve in, maybe? I don’t know. Any dentists out there care to weigh in? I trust, I trust. Surely he must know what he’s doing. I’m locked in this chair, I have to trust the man. He won’t kill me. I’ll get over it. I won the battle for my wisdom tooth, didn’t I?

So we begin. Permanent crown #1 is shoved into the gaping gum hole. Ew. Feels big. He’s a doctor, he knows what he’s doing, he just has to shove more. Here comes permanent crown #2 pressed into action. They don’t fit. Out they come. In comes a drill. He’s drilling my existing enamel. No pain in gum hole #1. Good, good. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. PAIN IN 2! PAIN IN 2! PAIN IN 2!

“Sorry sorry.” He keeps drilling. I’m gripping the arms of the chair, my heart starts racing, I start sweating. Don't they give Novocaine for this? My breathing becomes shallowed. Crowns violate my gum holes again. “Bite.” Eff. Even I can tell they are freakishly big. WTF?

Not. The. Effing. Drill. Again.

More filing of my nervy tooth hole #2. My body arches slightly. “Sorry sorry”. He stops. He starts filing down (what I have been told are called) the opposing teeth; the bottom teeth. He is taking what little good enamel I have left in my mouth and is sanding it down. Sure, hell, eff, I don’t need that. Just give me some muthereffing drugs now you effing wad of…., I shriek in my head, as I cling to the hope that it won’t be much longer.

More shoving. More biting on some magic piece of plastic. More filing of good enamel. He’s staying away from nerve hole #2 now. More shoving. More biting. It still feels mammoth in my gum but I no longer care. More opposing teeth drilling. It fits, the bite feels funny, just let me go let me go let me go. Cement was applied, I bite once more on an antiseptic tasting piece of gauze. “Back in five minutes,” toots the glib little eff.

I’m clammy by this time and shaking just a little. I try to focus on a magazine. A very very nice hygienist comes in, “Do you want a motrin?” “No, I have some in my purse from last time, thanks.” Of course, I didn’t quite articulate that as nicely in the chair as that reads. “OK” She looked a little sad. She was there when my body had arched.

She watched me as I gathered my things. Before I left, she bid me a cheery farewell, and was holding 800 mgs of motrin and a glass of water in her hand. “Here we have lots of extras.” God Bless her. I think she knew.

It was all business after that with Dr. Dentist; an urging for me to get that back tooth extracted. A tooth, which mind you, has been quite broken for 12 years and hasn’t caused me a day’s worth of trouble. “You don’t want to swell up again. Heheheheheh.”

Eff stick. It wasn’t the effing wisdom tooth the last time you effing crap hole.

Oh my. I might have to go to confession again.

The Dentist

Bee Gees Song of the Day: I Could Not Love You More

Here you are, owner of my heart
Just the way that love should be
And there is something I must say to you
If you promise to believe
That it's you I'm living for
And I could not love you more

Went to the dentist today. nnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Six x-rays, 5 other patients, 4 shots of Novocaine, 3 hours in the chair, 2 root canals, 1 temporary crown, and $0 in copays for ibuprofen and vicodin. I don't feel witty enough to make any sort of partridge in a pear tree reference.

My cheek is swollen, my lips are puffy, my gums certainly feel strange, and I'm waiting to see if there is any pain once the meds wear off. I'm hoping its manageable.

It will be interesting to see how I do on my all day Marian retreat tomorrow.

Today's visit was {relatively} painless. A few uncomfortable moments - like the first 3 shots of Novocaine, lots of numbification juice drizzled into my mouth. "Cah I wihs gis aw?" "Of course, you may rinse that out, go right ahead." I hadn't had breakfast and the sour taste of the Novocaine overwhelmed. I started to gag. Dontthrowupdonthrowupdonthrowup. I didn't. Phew.

Don't get me wrong; the doctor and his staff were really top notch. 11 years ago when I had to get another double root canal - same teeth, different side of my mouth - it took 4 visits, and hours sitting in a chair listening to the little fella talk about NPR and the X-Files. I'm not a fan of NPR, and he clearly was not the XFiles aficionado that I was, so our talks were not that robust.

The hygienist today was great fun to talk with; we waxed on about the relative merits of Phil Collins on his own versus his work with Genesis, Sting and the evolution of his craft over time, Owen Wilson, Halle Barry, Rosie O'Donnell, Barbara Walters, Ellen Degeneres, Bruce Willis, Britney Spears, XM Satellite radio, and scented face wipes. They have little towelettes brimming with lemony goodness now, were you aware? Makes wiping all the blood spatter off your face remarkably pleasant.

I go back in 2 weeks and have my permanent crown installed. Visit three will afford me the untold delights of experiencing wisdom tooth extraction for the first time. My hygienist had given me homework ~ I'm to watch the movie "Perfect Strangers" with Halle Barry and Bruce Willis. I will be tested. I may require her to watch "My Name Is Kim Sam Soon" - my favorite k-drama series of all time. It's not an even trade, but I think I deserve some recompense.